Combs and Porter shared
three children together: twin daughters Jessie James and D’Lila Star, 12, plus
son Christian, 21. He also helped raise Porter’s son Quincy, 27, from a
previous relationship. (Additionally, Combs is a father to daughter Chance, 12,
and son Justin, 25, from previous relationships of his own.)
On Thursday, Essence
released audio from their interview with the rapper for his May cover story of
the magazine (with his permission), in which he can be heard getting emotional
after being asked if he’s ready for the holiday.
“Mother’s Day is going to
hurt,” Combs, 49, said. “We definitely are going to celebrate all the mothers.
We’re not going to get in the way of that. Honestly, anybody that has lost a
mother or lost a soulmate — it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals
all wounds when it comes to mothers … I don’t think that’s the case. That’s not
a negative thing because as people, we need wounds. You need something to sting
you sometimes and keep you on point and teach you a lesson.”
Breaking down, Combs said
while crying, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m going to figure something
out though. This hurts so much. I know that people want to hear the good stuff,
but it hurts and there ain’t no way around that.”
Combs then explained that
he wanted to do the interview to let “everybody know how special all the
mothers are,” but that it was hard for him to find the positive in his loss.
“I don’t think anyone would
ever understand how hard it is to be a black mother,” he said. “I think we are
the strongest beings. When it comes to the strongest beings on the face of the
Earth, it would have to be black mothers.”
After Porter died of lobar
pneumonia on Nov. 15 at the age of 47, Combs said that he learned more about
what it takes to be a mother than ever before since he had to raise their kids
without her.
“Nothing came before my
family before, but of course there would be a couple of dates I would miss or
some things I would miss because I was so into my work,” he said. “I always
loved them as a father, but from a mother’s perspective, the kids come first
and that’s it. It’s nothing else that really matters from a mother’s
perspective.”
“I immediately had the lens
of a mother,” he continued. “The lens of me as a father was combined with the
lens of a mother. I had to immediately tap into my feminine side and that
protective side … I never actually felt emotions like this. My heart was never
open like this. I never had my senses like this. It’s been crazy from that
point, but I just knew that she was training me for this and I wasn’t scared.”
In times when Comb doesn’t
know what to do, he said he asks himself, “What would Kim do?”
When asked if he has a
strategy when it comes to raising daughters, Combs said he was “concerned about
that” at first so he went to different women in his life for advice.
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