Article written by Ben Abati
“Have you been to
Bourdillon? Or rather I should ask when are you going to Bourdillon?”
“What’s happening?”
“Assault?” That is
precisely what it is. Assault. Sexual
harassment. Abuse. Threat of rape. Definite expression of intent to commit
adultery and impregnate another man’s wife.”,,,,
“I read that story. I still
find it difficult to believe that a distinguished Senator would descend to such
level. If that is the quality of
reasoning among Nigerian parliamentarians, then the country is in more serious
trouble than anyone could ever imagine.”
“Dino Melaye has not denied
the statements he allegedly made. And the Tinubu camp is on an offensive
against him. I read a response saying if he carries out his threat, things will
happen.”
“Things should not only
happen, I think every member of the National Assembly should undergo a
psychiatrist test and a drug test.”
“Ha. You can’t conscript
the entire National Assembly to undertake tests that are not required by law.
And you can’t jump from something one Senator did to cast innuendo on other lawmakers.”
“You call it innuendo? You
try. From the look of things, male
members of this National Assembly are convinced that women are sex objects. Is
this not the same National Assembly where male chauvinists resisted a Gender
Equality Bill? Is it not in this same parliament that supposedly distinguished
men stood up to defend marriage to the girl-child? And now you have a Senator
threatening to beat up a female colleague, rape, impregnate her and that
nothing will happen.”
“The man practically admitted
his love of violence and lack of respect for a colleague. That is too much of
an insult to the Madam and her husband.”
“I read on Sahara Reporters
that he eventually changed his mind, though”
“How?”
“Sahara Reporters says he
later told Mrs Tinubu, “F…. you.”
“F…. another man’s wife?”
“Yes. But he said worse. He
reportedly said he would not even demean himself by impregnating a Bonga fish,
and that he would prefer a robust woman like Senator Stella Oduah.”
“What? The scallywag wants
to hold so-so-so-me-thing!”
“He has not denied saying
so.”
“But are you sure there
isn’t a Nollywood wing in that Senate and some of the members are rehearsing a
block-buster home video?”
“Which home video? The
altercation took place at a closed-door meeting of the Senate. Mrs Tinubu’s
offence was that he criticized Senator Melaye’s contribution to a discussion,
and the fellow became enraged. He had to be physically restrained from actually
beating up the woman, and proceeding there and then to rape and impregnate her
with immediate effect”
“Chei. I wish I were in
Asiwaju Tinubu’s shoes…”
“What will you do? You will
invite Melaye to a physical combat? Have you seen the guy’s biceps and how
heavily built he is? This is not a matter you settle with muscles.”
“Meaning?”
“There are sub-texts. Dino
is probably fighting proxy war. His target may not be the woman but her
husband. Besides, the guy seems to have quite a reputation for beating up
women. Ask his first wife. Ask his second wife.”
“Mrs Tinubu should sue him”
“He will claim privilege.
Every communication on the floor of the Senate is privileged.”
“What privilege? That
privilege should not cover anyone threatening violence, rape, assault and
adultery. What if he was not restrained, he would have slapped Mrs. Tinubu or
what? I also find the silence of the Senate leadership in this matter terribly
offensive. By now, Senator Melaye should
be standing before a Disciplinary Committee.”
“But again, is this whole
story possible?”
“What will the Tinubus gain
from lying against Melaye?”
“You know, for some reason,
I sympathize with that fellow, you know. What he has done, previously and right
now, is very much like riding the Tiger. “
“Certain kinds of persons
should not be in the National assembly to start with.Is it not from this same
National Assembly that the US Embassy named and shamed some lawmakers who went
to the US on a sponsored trip to solicit for sex, with one of them almost
raping a hotel attendant? This thing called democracy must be protected from
women abusers, rapists and adulterers.”
“If this was in the US or
the UK, by now, there will be protesters on the streets calling for
Melaye’s head and seat. His constituents
would have initiated the process of his recall.”
“Have you also not noticed
that other female members of the National assembly have not spoken up. They are
dangerously silent.”
“That is stupid. Do they
want to be beaten up? Raped? And impregnated by violent colleagues? Are they
happy that a male colleague is threatening to rape and impregnate?”.
“To call another man’s
wife, Bonga fish. And openly say you prefer that other female Senator as a sex
object. That Melaye needs help, I must say. Where is he from?”
“Right now, I wonder what
Dino Melaye would have called Theresa May, the new Prime Minister of Britain”
“Do not go there. He
wouldn’t dare. The kind of nonsense behaviour that is allowed in the name of
lawmaking and leadership in this country is impossible in civilized places. Can
you ever imagine any parliamentarian in the UK openly abusing a female
colleague and threatening to rape and impregnate
her?”
“All these our leaders,
they love titles but not the responsibility that comes with high office. Just
look at how the British have managed a major transition in the life of their
nation, it was all done so decently.”
“Impressive. Classically
British. The country is more important than every one.”
“David Cameron leads the
country out of the European Union against his personal wish and to economic
disaster. He takes responsibility and he steps aside.”
“In Nigeria, he would have
stayed on. After all, there was no election. Nobody resigns here. Public office
for the average Nigerian is about stomach infrastructure.”
“But in the UK, it is about
service. Did you read Cameron’s valedictory speech? Solid. No malice.
No regrets. The other week,
he was down with rotten eggs on his face, but two days ago, he left office with
his head held high. The British system works. When things go wrong, there are
ways of dealing with them.”
“We shouldn’t compare
apples and oranges. We can talk about lessons, but not to expect the same
standards.”
“Look at Theresa May, the
new PM. The very day she assumed office, she named her cabinet. She is
prepared. She is ready. She is competent. That is how to hit the ground
running. Here, State Governors spend a whole year struggling to appoint ordinary
commissioners.”
“State Governors? What
of…?”
“Meshionu… Alakoba
somebody.It is not from my mouth that you will hear about physical, social
psychological and existential violence in high places. But look again at what
Theresa May has done. She has appointed into her cabinet, the Brexiteers, the
same people who wanted Britain out of the EU. She has put together a cabinet
that accommodates her rivals to show that she nurses no malice against anyone.
Can you imagine Boris Johnson becoming Foreign Secretary?”
“I don’t support that.”
“Sorry, your opinion does
not matter.Ko mata, ko muyo.”
“Boris Johnson is an
isolationist. And he doesn’t like
Africans.”
“He loves Britain, his
country. That is what matters.”
“I wish the new Prime
Minister well, then. History made. She has Mrs Margaret Thatcher’s record to
contend with.”
“No. You miss the point. She will not be judged on
the grounds of gender.”
“Don’t fool yourself about
that very point. Even in the UK, gender is an issue. Nobody talked about
Cameron’s shoes or navy suits, for example. But since Theresa May arrived,
there has been so much obsession with her clothes and leopard print kitten
heels.”
“But she is lucky she
doesn’t have a Dino Melaye around her.”
“Impossible.”
“And nobody will ever
threaten to beat her up, rape her or impregnate her.”
“Why are you DinoMelaye-ing
Theresa May? Can you stop? This is
precisely why a Boris Johnson thinks you people should be kept out of Britain,
so that in the long run you don’t pollute the decent space the British created
over the centuries.”
“You know, to tell the
truth, sometimes I wonder how foreigners manage to relate with us. Can you
imagine the President of Nigeria going on a foreign trip, with a Senator who
was once accused of rape, or a Governor who was once a crook?The civilized
oyinbo people will shake hands, shake their heads also, but privately among
themselves, they would wonder if it would not have been better if they didn’t
colonize Africa at all.”
“And leave us in our
natural, pre-colonial states, eh?. I can’t laugh oh. May be if they didn’t, by
now you will be a dreadful dibia in a forest, with 100 wives.”
“And Dino?”
“That one? He will be a
deep forest hunter, beating up people’s wives, raping and impregnating them and
threatening that nothing will happen to him.”
“Only in Nigeria.”
“ I guess there is a lot
more that you can talk about in that manner.”
“Like Abia”
“Really messy out there.”
“A court of law with
competent jurisdiction rules, INEC complies, but the politicians insist they
have a different opinion, and the entire system gets sucked into a crisis.”
“Don’t go there. You get
that kind of situation when everything in a country is so uncertain.”
“But if we lose the courts,
what do we have left?”
“We lost the courts
already, even the lawyers.”
“In Abia or Abuja?”
“You answer the question
yourself”.
“And the video that the US
Mission was going to show at the House of Representatives? Did that happen?
“Which video? It didn’t
happen.”
“Never mind. The British
have just given us an answer.A country must work for its people. That is
why Theresa May says her
mission is to make Britain work for every one.”
“Nigeria must also work for
every one, not a privileged few.”
“Yes. Yes. Yes. We should add that line to the
National Anthem.”
“Hmm. Seriously.”
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